


Not so terrible predictions

by cuetlaxcoyotl



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, モブサイコ100 | Mob Psycho 100
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Kind of canon compliant for Mob Psycho 100, No beta- may the Almighty have mercy on my soul, Post-canon MP100, Wildly AU for Good Omens
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-09-01 05:35:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20252998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuetlaxcoyotl/pseuds/cuetlaxcoyotl
Summary: The one where Mob is the Antichrist[*].[*]Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan and Lord of Darkness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Im sorry. My brain not only goes in circles, it does flips and loop-de-loops and I was still in a MP100 mood when I stated my Good Omens mood, and I also like crossovers a lot. This was originally written in Spanish in a Whatsapp convo, so there are some awkward parts and weird use of verbal tenses.
> 
> Also, a minor original character is racist as a plot device, i know, please don't yell at me for that[*].
> 
> The footnotes are linked and should work on mobile! If they are not working please tell me so I can fix them!

As it happens with all important projects, when the moment to set the apocalypse into motion arrived, the infernal powers appointed (or may be, sentenced) a committee to oversee all details, and as it happens with all committees, no one ever agreed on anything and only one person (or in this case, being) did all the work[1].

In another reality, the unfortunate sap in charge of the allocation of a human family for the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan and Lord of Darkness, chose the family of the American Cultural Attaché in the United Kingdom as the best suited for the task, and then devised an ingenious plan (for a demon) where all the actual planning for the interchange of babies was delegated to other even more unfortunate infernal agents, who did a rather thorough job, and even went so far as to infiltrate an entire order of nuns and convert it to Satanism.

In this reality, however, the outcome of the committee representative’s game of _eeny, meeny, miny, moe_ was different, so the chosen family was that of the daughter of a Japanese home appliances tycoon, and then the representative forgot to actually delegate the planning until the last moment. This is why the demon Crowley received the following orders alongside a basket with a perfectly average looking, dark haired male baby:

_“Corrupt a human so they can be persuaded to steal a child from his mother’s arms, to be unknowingly replaced by our Lord’s son.”_

And,

_“DO NOT MESS IT UP, CROWLEY.”_

Crowley offered ₤100[2] to a nurse he found smoking in the parking lot to do the deed.

And well, many years later Crowley will wash his hands over the whole affair, arguing that his plan would have worked if, that same day, at that same hospital, at the other end of the same hall where Hoshino Nadeshiko-san (full-time heiress) was in labor, Kageyama Akane-san (programmer, alongside her husband at the UK for work) were not in the same situation. Or maybe it would have worked if this particular nurse were not terribly racist, on top of unscrupulous, and didn’t think that “all Chinese people look the same”[3].

***

Eventually, the Kageyama family had to return to Japan once their contracts and visas expired. In the meanwhile, the young Hoshino Asahi-kun grew a bit neglected by his parents, but with the constant attention and counsel of his kendo instructor[4] and the housekeeper.

***

Asahi-kun’s 15th birthday comes but no hellhound does.

Crowley and Aziraphale scramble to find out what happened to the Antichrist, and they first search for the nurse who is now in prison[5] and doesn’t know anything of use. Then the hospital, where they pick up a paper trail[6] that leads them to Japan.

“Well,” says the demon to the angel. “On the bright side, you do like sushi.”

***

Kageyama Shigeo is a very normal baby. Average size, average weight, reaches the developmental milestones at the expected ages. His parents love him very much and if Shige-chan has an habit to always managing get things he shouldn’t into his hands, they don’t think too much about it and gently correct him, just as they do when he tries to lick the neighbour’s cat or pulls from mommy’s hair.

When things start to float a bit, they take it on stride, because, well, it is not really problem, it is only small things and not very high, and Akane is pregnant again.

It does take them by surprise when Ritsu-chan keeps dropping his pacifier or a preferred toy and they have to keep picking it up for him, which immediately raises a concern about how many things that touched the floor ended up on Shige-chan’s mouth, and relief that they don’t have to worry about that with Ritsu-chan[7].

As Shige grows, so do his powers, and his family also grows accustomed to them. Soon, every time he cries --which is not often-- the furniture will rattle, the rain will not touch him and he would make little and not so little animals swim through the air, or the bath water would float in shapes, but is always to entertain Ritsu or their friend Tsubomi. Sometimes the cutlery will bend, or Shige would accidentally make everything in the house hover 2cm over the floor in his sleep, but he is a good kid and it’s not like he does it intentionally.

Then, after an incident where Ritsu returns unharmed but covered in blood and Shige in in tears, and they don’t tell, no matter how much Akane and Hisao ask their children what happened, Shige stops using his powers deliberately while the accidents increase, but they can’t do anything about it, because who do you ask about your child ESP problems?

***

Later, people will debate if the well-timed appearance of Reigen Arataka into Shigeo’s life was in fact as “godsend” as the Kageyamas thought the day their child returned home from school happier and more at ease that they had seen him in months.

The fact that the man would also act as a quick response free babysitter and chaperon also helped to improve their opinion of him[8].

***

Kageyama Shigeo is a very unremarkable boy, but he tends to have a tangible effect in the people who cross his path, and he achieves this _despite_ his powers and no thanks to them, mostly.

Had this been a different world, his powers would have not been obvious, but would have arranged the world around him to his liking. In this one, they never get him what he wants and he has to figure that one all on his own[9].

***

A list of times the world could have ended ahead of schedule:

  1. After the incident when Shigeo lost control of his powers for the first time and believed, for a second, before he heard him cry, that Ritsu was dead.
  2. All the times Dimple tried and failed to convince Shigeo to help him become a god[10].
  3. The time a technician’s shoelace got caught in his desk chair’s wheel, making him trip and smash his keyboard, almost starting up a chain of events that would have resulted in a Chinese Navy ship colliding with an American one, had he not also accidentally disconnected the ethernet connection of his terminal in the process.
  4. The time Mogami almost managed to make Shigeo lose his faith in humanity.
  5. The time Dimple did achieve godhood thanks to Shigeo’s powers, before Shigeo’s powers decided they could give it a try on their own and Dimple realised his mistake.
  6. That one incident by the end of Shigeo’s second year at middle school, which is not discussed in public by people in the known, for plausible deniability, you understand. Even thought it was not his fault, he is very sorry and very sure it won’t happen again and he helped put everything together again, and he has been reassured that no one died, miraculously[11].

But the important bit is that it didn’t happen.

***

The day of his birthday Kageyama Shigeo found a dog. Were he not used to the unusual, he would have tried to run away screaming, or at least remarked on the terrifying appearance of the gigantic beast, or referred to it by its correct appellation of hellhound, but, to be frank? he had seen scariest things before and this was a dog, a weird one, but a dog.

“Master,” said the dog. “I come humbly before you and ask you, please, oh master, grant me a name and a purpose.”

Shigeo was terrible at naming things and, besides, he was a bit of a cat person, so he had never actually considered before what name he would give a dog.

The dog looked at him, expectantly. It was big enough to look at him to the eyes and it made Shigeo nervous— not that the dog was big, the eye contact. Shigeo looked around, licked his lips.

“Pochi?”, he ventured.

The dog considered it for a moment, a bit cliché if you asked him, a typical name for a typical dog, he thought, but if that what his master wanted—

Pochi sat on his haunches, waging his fluffy curly tail, with his pointed ears at attention, and barked once.

“So you like it?”, asked Shigeo.

“Woof”, said Pochi, who was now a typical dog[12], and typical dogs don’t talk. 

***

For a being that some of the time is a snake, Crowley had way too much leg to fit into a tourist class plane seat, and he also had time to complain about it at length during the 12 hours flight.

You see, due to the intrinsic nature of airlines, booking two last-minute first-class plane tickets, even with the help of a miracle, does not mean that those two first-class seats actually exist in that flight.

The fact that Crowley was responsible of making flying a terribly uncomfortable ordeal for the masses was an irony lost on him.

So was the fact that he was directly contributing to the flight attendant’s path to sainthood, attained by her infinite patience.

***

The thing was, once Crowley and Aziraphale were at Japan, all they had to continue their search for the Antichrist was a name, and they didn’t even had their respective agents, they lamented to each other.

And, they thought[13], a human agent is exactly what they needed, a human agent familiar with both the terrain and the unusual.

But where to find such a human, and in such short notice?

Crowley took out his phone from his jeans pocket[14] and did a quick google search[15], where the first result was the website of a cheap[16] psychic consultation office.

It had a suspicious number of testimonials and a link to the video of a clearly staged publicity stunt at press conference, but the internet consensus at other sites was that it was the real deal.

* * *

[1]Except that, in fact, none of them did anything.

[2]The money was fake, but the nurse deserved that.

[3]Yeah, neither the author knows what Crowley was expecting to happen.

[4]If he’d had the time to pay attention to these things, Hoshino Katashi-san (CEO of his father-in-law’s company and absent but demanding parent) would had made an issue out of the kendo instructor being British. Fortunately, not only he never asked who was teaching his son, but the instructor wasn’t even really British in the first place, nor Japanese as Hoshino-san would preferred, nor anything, simply because the instructor wasn’t born in any country, or region, or geographic zone, as he had been brought into existence by Divine Will before the Creation, and he had been issued the physical form he inhabited after a long and tedious bureaucratic process, and he very much prefers to never have to go through it again, thank you.

[5]After noticing the money she had been paid with was fake, the nurse took a very pragmatic decision by taking the extra baby she found herself with to an adoption agency for rich people, where she received a quite large “fee”. This inspired her to a change in careers and became a full time “recruiter” for the agency, until it was closed under investigations for human trafficking.

[6]Not literally. The paper archive was burnt in a freak accident which was in no way caused by infernal agents with no knowledge about electronic databases.

[7]What they don’t know is that, soon enough, Shige-chan starts picking up things for his brother too when they are not looking. Maybe this is the reason why the brothers built extraordinarily strong immune systems and rarely get sick, maybe it is the other way around. The author is betting in the later.

[8]So did the discreet background check they did[A] on Reigen to make sure nothing untoward would happen. It also revealed that the man had his driving licence and an updated first aid certification, making him qualified enough to take up child-care professionally.

[8.A]A leftover form their youth, before they decided to use their skills in a more legitimate manner as “cybersecurity”.

[9]With the support of loving family and friends, not that it lessens his effort in any way, but it is nice to mention it and Shigeo likes be reminded of it, too.

[10]But not a god as in God, more like a Shinto kami god. Unbeknownst, back then, to Dimple, had he succeeded in making a god out of Shigeo, the results could had been less like the Emperor (like he envisioned) and closer (but not quite) to the actual Almighty.

[11]This is still being debated by the people in the known.

[12]That was Shigeo’s personal typical dog; what is considered a typical dog varies from person to person. Some people hear “dog” and what comes to mind is a small terrier with a coarse coat, others imagine a brownish mutt with floppy ears, maybe some people will think about a lab-retriever mix or a white shaggy dog of ambiguous breed, but it doesn’t matter what kind of dog you envision, they are all excellent boys and girls. 

[13]By now it is a recognized fact, that has also been addressed before by other greater minds than the author’s, that Crowley and Aziraphale share a single brain cell between them, and take turns to use it, so when they are together, they think collectively. 

[14]To store it there in the first place, takes a minor miracle.

[15]His phone has no SIM card but it has coverture anywhere in the world and in a couple places not on this world, because he has never seen the need to acquire one. His phone also has wifi everywhere, but that’s because it steals it automatically from the nearest strongest signal.

[16]The lowest prices in the market! Get a coupon for a 15% discount on your next exorcism with every séance!

[*]There are many other things you can yell at me for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun facts:  
-Pochi the dog is basically called Pooch the dog at the same time it is called Spot the dog, and it's the perfect name for the dog of a kid people calls Mob.  
-Hoshino Asahi means more or less Star's Morning Sun  
-At some point i considered naming him Tsurugi Asahi so to make it a stealth crossover with Miraculous Ladybug, but this was already written and i would had to change a loooot of other things so, nah  
-Because i don't think i will write about him again, even if i continue this, Asahi grew up to be a very polite, terribly competitive guy, with an uncompromising black and white internal moral code, who holds everyone to the same perfectionist high standards he holds himself, and he is good at pretty much everything he does. He is basically an anime's antihero rich rival, a Seto Kaiba type if you will.
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People asked about a continuation, so here it is! I hope I don't dissapoint! 
> 
> Also, it's almost 2am so i may have not proofread very well, sorry

Aziraphale had spent the 12 hours long flight to Japan so deep in thought that he had not noticed the aggravation Crowley had been causing around fellow passengers with his own worried and anxious misdirected lashing, nor the need to try and soothe it, a task that fell onto the poor flight attendant, who by the end of the flight pretty much deserved to be always depicted with a halo behind her head. 

And he was indeed deep in thought and not with his head in the clouds —even though he had literally been at an altitude of 10 thousand meters — because he had been overthinking and worrying and going in circles so much that he had, with his metaphorical pacing, caved the kind of allegorical trench that would be best considered a geographical feature, the kind one would only be able to see by deploying highly technological unmanned submarines.

It was the kind of preoccupation that required long winded elaborate purple prose to describe, and it had continued on and on, after they disembarked, after they left the airport, after they boarded the train that would take them to the city where the psychic had his office, more and more pressing as time passed and he could not find a solution to his dilemma, as they got closer and closer to finding the child and he could not find the resolution to make a decision.

What was he going to do once they found the child?

It was not the first time he found himself torn by a— a trying event, but he had never been in the position of the one to— do the deed, himself, deliberately, by his hand.

He knew what was to be done and, that if it was necessary, that he would do it in the end[17]. But he didn’t _want_ to do it. He didn’t have a comforting order backing his actions (or inactions, mostly, because usually he was just required to stand aside), an order reassuring him he was doing the correct thing, and right now, in fact, the order was to let the apocalypse happen, but surely the end of the world was not a good thing, surely it needed to be stopped, so surely he had to…

And then, as he looked up to read the sign that said “_Spirits and such_”, he found himself suddenly embraced by a dense aura of love —of safety, of comfort, of relief, of gratitude, of… — and had to stop for a moment to just breathe it in.

He explained this to his companion, who had also stopped to wait for Aziraphale to compose himself, and the demon scoffed, dismissing it by saying that it was probably some sort of spell laid over the building to make customers more receptive and willing to pay[18], somehow forgetting that it would not have affected Aziraphale so, if the feelings were not genuine.

***

It was a slow day, the kind where they didn’t have anything scheduled and Reigen gave the evening free to Serizawa, so it was only him and Tome in the office when the walk-ins arrived.

They were two men, foreigners probably, if not for the flawless Japanese they spoke, and with serious money, because Reigen had an eye for this kind of details.

Their story was not worrying at first, just a bit concerning in the way that the issues that make a person search of the aid of a psychic tend to be.

But then Reigen had listened intently to the explanation —rather vague, he thought to himself — about a mix up at a hospital some 15 years ago, that resulted in a child being misplaced. It was quite suspicious and Reigen had two theories:

  1. One or both of the men in the office were responsible for the mix up and wanted to fix that mistake out of a guilty conscience without incriminating themselves too much[19].
  2. They were searching for the kid for some nefarious purpose and —the bit about babies switched at birth being true or not — they couldn’t track him down through more legitimate channels[20].

Reigen (fraud notwithstanding) preferred not to get involved in too shady business and (laboral exploitation of an underage ESPer aside) he had a very strict moral code regarding children, so he put on his most serious professional face and asked:

“Do you think the kid is dead, then?”

The surprise in their expressions, as they clearly hadn’t even considered that possibility, was answer enough but the soft blond one also exclaimed “oh my goodness, no!”, while the sharp redhaired companion said “he is alive” in hissing voice, muttering afterwards something else Reigen couldn’t catch[21].

“Then I don’t understand why you would approach a psychic— this sounds like something better suited for a private detective”, said Reigen, who was aware of the existence of psychic detectives and didn’t had anything against playing the part of one, but was being contrary on purpose, in order to glean some more information.

“We have reasons to— suspect, that the child in question may have, ah, certain unusual abilities”.

Reigen frowned, taking that in. He crossed his arms and leaned back on his chair, thinking. He often considered start wearing glasses so he could dramatically clean them to make time in situations like those. 

“Well,” he finally said, “it is more complicated to find a person who is alive, that to act as a medium for the spirit of a deceased one… so I would need more information about the child in question, before we proceed.”

“So you would take the case? Oh wonderful! We do have a name, would that make it easier for you, Reigen-san? We know that the parents’ last name was Kageyama, because they were the only other fa—”

Suspicions turned into fears, last year’s Incident and the Claw affair still fresh in his mind. The blond man was still talking but Reigen had stopped listening. He made desperate eye contact with Tome, who immediately took the hint and made a show of loudly clacking at her personal laptop, which she only used to do homework and watch alien conspiracy videos at work, but made her little secretarial desk more serious looking.

“Reigen-san! I just took a look at the calendar and we are completely booked for the entire month! In fact, if you don’t hurry, you’ll be late to your next appointment!”

“Oh how embarrassing!”, Reigen exclaimed as he raised from his chair and walked around his desk. “You heard her, gentlemen. I’m very sorry but we can’t currently take your case.”

He stood between the men and Tome as he herded them towards the door, ignoring their protests with ease.

Once the men were out, he turned the sign to “closed” and bolted the door shut for good measure.

***

Crowley thought that the psychic knew something, but further attempts to re-enter the office felt to Crowley like attempting to cross a threshold under a horseshoe, and Aziraphale wouldn’t listen to reason and return by himself to press the man for information.

And to make matters worse, every other psychic they tried to contact refused to take the job citing some excuse or another; full bookings, sudden illness, spiritual retreats. Crowley wondered if those were the fabled Antichrist’s natural protections at work[22].

***

Shigeo’s parents had consented to adopt Pochi, and while Ritsu had been delighted to have a dog, the responsibilities of his care fell sorely upon Shigeo and that meant walkies.

Aziraphale had needed to find a quiet place to think, while Crowley argued with psychics over the phone, and instead he was found by his co-workers and given an ultimatum.

That’s how Shigeo and Aziraphale met each other in the park.

Aziraphale sat down heavily on a bench with his head in his hands. They didn’t have the Antichrist. He was far away from his bookshop and the circle that would let him contact heaven to try to make them reconsider the Apocalypse. At least Crowley had been away and out of danger. His musings were interrupted by a young voice.

“Excuse me, sir. Are you OK?”, asked Shigeo, concerned. The argument had looked very bad and the other people very mean. He wasn’t sure, but form where he had been standing at the entrance to the park, it had looked like they had hit the blond man before walking away.

“Oh, uhm yes, thank you”. Aziraphale straightened and cleared his throat, slightly touched about the concern coming from a stranger and immediately fond. “I’m alright, my boy. Don’t worry.”

Shigeo nodded and hummed. He looked down to Pochi and scratched him behind the ears. 

“It’s ok to defend yourself when someone is trying to hurt you,” he said. “Or you could go to the police.”

“Unfortunately, I can’t,” said Azirapahale with a sigh at the end. He looked up to the sky and his mouth twisted. “Those where my co-workers and my immediate superior. Our job demands we do something I think is wrong, you see, and they were here to remind me of my duty”.

That sounded serious, and kind of illegal, thought Shigeo. He set Pochi loose from the lead and threw him a stick to chase, then he sat down on the bench next to the man. 

“If you think something is wrong then you shouldn’t do it.”

“But what if I’m, well, wrong, and it is in fact the correct thing to do?,” asked Aziraphale, almost desperately, wondering why he was telling all of this to a child. For his part, Shigeo considered the question carefully.

“Will it hurt someone?”

“Yes.”

“Then is wrong,” answered Shigeo with conviction. “It is ok to defend yourself or someone else and it is ok to be firm and stop someone who won’t listen to reason, but it is wrong to hurt people.”

***

In the meantime, Crowley was definitely not out of danger.

Reluctant to leave their closest lead, Crowley had booked them an Airbnb[23] at Seasoning city and while Aziraphale had left under the excuse of needing fresh air (they didn’t even need to breathe in the first place!), he had holed himself in to try and find a psychic willing to help them find the Antichrist. By now, not even people who did over the phone tarot readings were taking his calls and it was getting ridiculous.

He threw his phone in frustration (certain that the phone could not dare to break), and just as he has about to throw himself to the couch to brood, he heard someone knocking at the door.

“Took you long enough, angel”, he said as he opened, but it was not Aziraphale.

“Were you waiting for someone, traitor?”, said Ligur, and he and Hastur shouldered their way inside.

* * *

[17]The possibility of Crowley being the one to do the deed was never a suggestion taken seriously because Aziraphale knew, deep down, through experience gained over the centuries, that even though Crowley is a demon, he wouldn’t ever directly harm a child.

[18]He was wrong in the sense that it was not something done intentionally to boost the business, but right about how sceptic and indecisive possible customers approached the office and slowly started to believe that they could actually, or finally, find help.

[19]Mostly correct except for the assumption that they were men and a bit about the guilty conscience; there was a guilty conscience, but not about the misplacing of the child.

[20]Also correct.

[21]We, as author and reader, aren’t constrained by the limitations of human hearing, so we can know that Crowley muttered “we aren’t that lucky”. We can also know that they were, in fact, very lucky, just not in the way they expected— but we aren’t at that part of the story, yet.

[22]Such as Reigen’s phone contact list.

[23]The owner had been very surprised to know he had an Airbnb account, but pleasantly so, because he had been unsuccessfully trying to sell the apartment for months and he needed the money. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't write conflict between Crowley and Aziraphale :( so the conflict had to come from somewhere else :)
> 
> Thank you for reading!!<3


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